A modest proposal for your obsolete equipment

The glass-half-empty, anti-technology people of the world like telling you that the obsolete technology lurking around your office is worthless. That's nonsense.

From cell phones to power cords, from PCs to monitors, read on and learn how to salvage and save!

First, admit it. You've got at least two techno-ancient cell phones sitting in a drawer at your office. These phones work perfectly well, so you can't bring yourself to just throw them away. To save money, just give them to some kids - your own or someone else's - under 12. Here's how. Tell the kids the cell phones double as walkie-talkies. Really. Turn the phones on and tell them to press the call button to talk to each other.

Ever seen a couple of kids use walkie-talkies? First, one kid stands right next to you, the other six feet away, and one of them shouts, "Can you hear me, over?" Then the other one shouts back, "Yes I can hear you. Can you hear me, over?" Next, one of them goes really far away, say all the way into the next room, for example, and shouts, "Can you hear me, over?" When this happens, suppress the urge to shout back, "Everyone in the neighborhood can hear you, over!"

It'll take the kids at least 39 minutes to figure out that the cell phones really don't work as walkie-talkies. That's OK, because by then they'll be bored with them anyway. If you had been foolish enough to buy them real walkie-talkies, the kids would have used them exactly the same way, then never touched them again. Ever. Savings: $39, plus tax.

Next, save money on all the power supply cords you've saved over the past 10 years when you've replaced computers, printers and monitors at the office. Your company probably has, conservatively, 30 power cords tangled up in a closet somewhere. Go get them. Next, buy $2 worth of electrical tape and splice all 30 power cords together. You'll lose a foot max in splice per cord, but you'll still produce a 150-foot extension cord! Those dudes retail for $59. Net savings, less supplies: $57.

Next, give your old PCs to a charity, preferably one where you won't be recognized. First, make sure you reformat the hard drive so they can't scan it, figure out who you are, and make you come take it back. First thing in the morning, right when the organization's secretary sticks a key in the front door, rush up with your PC and say "Could you just get that door for me?" Plunk the PC down in the lobby and lie, saying, "I'll be right back." Then drive like the wind. On April 15, take a deduction for your charitable gift. If you get audited, explain that, "they didn't give me a receipt!"

That may leave you wondering about your old monitor. You know, the one that nearly gave you a hernia when you had to remove it from your desk. Now you've got a flat-panel monitor, so the old one sits on the floor as far away from your desk as you could carry it before you felt serious stress below the belt. In other words, your old monitor sits under your desk right now. Face it. That monitor makes a lousy footrest.

What to do? Easy. Sell it on eBay as an anchor for a boat. Just settle for enough cash to pay someone to haul the monitor out from under your desk and ship it to the idiot who bought it. Net savings, $5,000 (the cost of a hernia operation and the lost time at work recovering from it).

Take a quick look around your office and start saving today. Use your imagination. Maybe you could put in an appearance on "Antiques Roadshow" with the typewriter or HP II printer you've got in the storage room. When you do, smile at all the antitechnology folks watching the show and look astonished when you get told your that your original HP Laserprinter is actually in better condition than the one in the Smithsonian.

Dave Tedlock heads up NetOutcomes, a Tucson Website development company, has 20 years of marketing and communications experience and has taught at the Harvard Business School. E-mail him at dtedlock@tucsoncitizen.com.

GOT OLD STUFF?

Seriously, you can either sell old computers for cash or donate them and possibly take a tax deduction. Be realistic. Your old PC may be worth only $50. For a comprehensive list of ways to dispose of, or cash in on, unwanted computers, electronics, and more, visit: www.cityoftucson.org/tcb/rd/rmbsr.htm

This article first appeared as a column written by Dave Tedlock, NetOutcomes' president, for Tucson Business Edge, a monthly magazine published by the daily newspaper, the Tucson Citizen.

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