If Microsoft sold pants, zippers would be in jeopardy

Opening a can of tomato sauce made me realize that the way we're forced to buy computer hardware and software makes no sense, and in nearly any other industry would be laughable.

What if I told you, for example, that the next time you go to your closet to put on a pair of slacks, you'll discover that the zipper is missing?

Suppose you bought a pair of slacks from Land's End, ordering yours with a zipper in front because that's where the zipper should be. Then, one day you discover that Land's End has automatically replaced all your slacks with new ones, and these new slacks have no zipper in front. It's been moved to the back.

Suppose Land's End did not ask you whether you wanted to lose the front zipper. Land's End just decided (the media release says "after a huge amount of research") that zippers in back are better. Of course, this whole idea of taking away all your slacks with a front zipper is laughable, unthinkable.

With Microsoft and Internet Explorer, however, it's real. Explorer 6.0, as is true for countless other Windows-based programs, has a front zipper. Actually, we call this feature "drop down menus," and you've been using them for years. You like drop down menus.

However, millions of PCs out there, right now, are busily changing Explorer 6.0 to Explorer 7.0, automatically, without asking the owners, maybe you included. And guess what? Explorer 7.0 (in a partial preview of Vista) has no front zipper - no drop down menus.

Now, about the tomato sauce. The top of my can said, "Best by March 1, 2009." Use the sauce after that date and it might not taste right or it might make me ill.

Now, imagine buying a new PC today, one with Windows XP (because Vista doesn't go on sale to small businesses and consumers until Jan. 30, 2007). XP should have a "best by" label. What would it say? "Best used by Jan. 30, 2007." In other words, it's best if you use this computer only for about a month, then buy Vista. Because after Jan. 30, 2007, XP's usability will steadily decline.

Now consider automobiles. Recently Toyota sent me a recall notice for my Highlander, which went on sale in 2000. Seems that for some model years the child-proof door locks on the back doors might not work properly. Of course, Toyota will fix this for free.

Compare that to Windows 98. Windows 98 is no longer safe at any speed. Microsoft has quit patching Windows 98, so hackers with a new way into Windows 98 and who can get in touch with your Windows 98 PC through the Internet can kill your PC. Toyota cares about your kids, but Microsoft doesn't care about your Windows 98 PC, or your files and software on it, or whether your kid is using it.

But enough about Microsoft, which is, after all, an easy target. Consider Intel and Dell. The moment Dell got Intel's Dual Core Processor, Dell started promoting PCs with "Intel Dual Core Processors" as if dual core made these machines super-super fast. What if Chevy showed you a new car with "dual 6-cylinder engines." You'd think, wow, two 6-cylinder engines will give me screaming speed.

Well, the dealer never mentions it, but you learn that with today's gas you can only use 6 cylinders at a time. Astonished, you ask the dealer, er, Dell, "Well, hey, when can I get gas that'll run both 6 cylinder engines, I mean, both Cores at the same time? The answer, "Well, they're working on it . . . maybe with Vista . . ."

So we get better protection, and a better prediction, from a 49-cent can of tomato sauce than we do from a $99 program that runs our entire kitchen. We get more truth from Toyota and Chevy than we do from Microsoft, Intel and Dell. Why? Microsoft's Windows runs an estimated 90 percent of the world's PCs.

Microsoft doesn't just have a monopoly - Microsoft won the game of Monopoly, owns the game, and isn't interested in my Land's End slacks with the zipper in the front.

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